Life is ironic, lost dreams, lost souls, loneliness & hope, more dreams...

Hello :) you know, it is strange how life is. How, even after all the plans you make, nothing goes your way. 10 years ago i dreamed that by this time, i'll be MARRIED, be a MOTHER to a bunch of cute, naughty CHILDREN...3 by now, at this age. Working. But its not. I am not married, i am childless,,boyfriendless, i am not working, ,i am lonely...infact i have nothing...no asset to my name but a bunch of debts, stress, worries-i, a once "the brightest student in class" *. Its funny, and i always look back, wonder: Where did i go wrong? # I have never envisioned, even in my wildest dreams, that at the age of 25 i will be calling myself a student, sharing a class with a bunch of 1992's. NEVER! *.With nothing to my name, living in fear -with low self-esteem and confidence. It's sad sometimes, to know that my age-mates have 2 or 3 kids and i have nothing: and i wont be soon since i have this habit of turning away every man who approach me. If you tell me how much you Love me, i touch your hand and i feel nothing, thats it-be gone! Its like an addiction. No kissing frogs from me. If you can't move or warm my heart, then you are not him. The more a man persist in his attentions to me, the more he irritate me, i hate obsessed people,-its just a belief i have. Maybe i live too much, a life of fictions which i chain-read. All men in my world are the same, they behave the same-they disgust me. I don't see myself married to any of them. One even told me, i have cursed them all, before i knew them. Drunken fool! The word love & like share the same words in my tongue. If a men tells you "Ke a go rata" you will not know which he means; LIKE or LOVE.Many women assumes its the latter, so they always end up in tears.If you approach me with "Baby, I love you" its automatic NO from me. Back 2 skul next week,Truly Ironic.